Leave it to Bakura
by EeveeHearts
Summary: Let Bakura banish those myths you hear about the Brits! Open to suggestions and what not.
1. Chapter 1

This is just a random thing I thought up one day, inspired by the abridged series. Bakura is going to banish all those myths people have about being _British_. He'll also shed the light on what we're really like. Yerse. And I'm British, so you can trust me :)

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. -Sigh-

* * *

**Myth 1: We all come from London.**

The teacher stood before her students, all their beady eyes on her, waiting for the news. Apparently, there was a new student coming into school today. Even better, he was an exchange student.

"Class, I'd like you to meet Ryo Bakura. He's came all the way from England to study here, so let's give him a warm welcome!"

She began clapping as a silver haired youth entered to find an array of shock faces and only the teacher applauding him. A few whispers broke the silence.

"England? I thought he'd be from France or something."

"Ooh, look he's so smexy!"

"Pah! Go back to England!"

"Oh dear," Bakura said, rubbing the back of his next and laughing nervously. "I seem to have created mixed reactions."

The teacher let out her horse laugh and beckoned him forwards.

"So tell us, Bakura. Where in England are you from?"

"London, Miss," replied the youth politely.

"Oh wonderful," replied the teacher. "Do the rest of your family live there too?"

"Yes, miss. To my knowledge."

"Oh lovely. Is there a lot of people in London?"

"Yes miss. I would say all of England live in London!" he laughed nervously again. "It's so populated."

Chuckling, the teacher told Bakura to take a seat. Straight away, a girl at the back pushed her friend out of her seat next to her and patted the empty chair for him to sit down. He obediently took a seat next to the girl who was gazing at him, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Hello," he said politely, making her squeal and turn red. Bakura smiled and faced forwards, ready to learn. This school seemed jolly good!

At lunch, Bakura stood in the canteen, holding his little lunchbox, looking confused and lonely. A small guy with ridiculous hair shaped like a starfish walked over.

"Hey, I'm Yugi," he said happily. "Would you like to join me and my friends for lunch?"

"That sounds like a smashing idea," said Bakura gratefully. "It's ever so hard to find new friends when you're new."

"Tell me about it," laughed Yugi leading Bakura to his friends.

"Hey guys. This is Bakura. Bakura, this is Téa, Tristan and Joey."

"Hello all," said Bakura politely, taking a seat. "I hope we'll be good friends!"

They all exchanged glances as Yugi sat beside him.

"So, you're from London, huh?" asked Joey. Bakura nodded. "The last exchange student we had was from London too."

"And the one before that," added Tristan.

"And the one before that," said Téa.

"And the seventeen before that," smiled Yugi. Bakura glanced around, hoping to see some of these people.

"So, where are they then?" he asked.

"Oh, they all left," chuckled Yugi. Bakura frowned, but quickly replaced it with a smile.

"That's a shame," he said cheerily. "In England, had a friend from Leeds once, we used to talk through the internet."

"Leeds?" asked Joey, confused. "I've never heard of it. Are you sure it exists?"

"Oh, never mind then," said Bakura quickly changing the subject. "I say, would you like to come to my house tonight? My mother and father hoped I would meet some new friends."

"Sure," said Yugi. "Meet outside at the end of school, okay guys?"

They all nodded and Bakura smiled, taking a drink from his little lunchbox.

"I'm not quiet used to these American milk cartons," he said, struggling with it. "Bottles are so much-"

Suddenly, the carton split open and soaked Bakura and his friends in milk. They looked shocked, Yugi attempted to wring his hair dry. The silver haired boy looked guiltily at his friends, then at his milk stained shirt.

"Oh…ba…er…Oh buggar!" he cried, in a strong British accent.

* * *

**A/N:** More myths to come in the next chapter! :3


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews from **Cinderpool-The Evil Dictator**, **millenniumthief **and **x-hannah-banana-x** -hugs-

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**Myth 2: We're all posh.**

The most amazing sound in the world echoed round the school halls like a shrill angel singing. The school bell. Everyone cheered and rushed towards the door, pushing poor Bakura to one side and pulling at his shirt to get past. Well, his admirers pulling at his shirt, probably trying to yank it off in a hormonal rage of fan girlness.

"Dear me, the people of this school are violent, aren't they?" he asked, slightly disgruntled, but refusing to show it.

"Yeah, hey everyone! Back off!" yelled Yugi trying to push the people away from Bakura. "Come outside, quick!"

They all stumbled outside in a heap of eager students, trying to not get trampled and stay dignified.

"Well, that was a smashing end to my day!" said Bakura, cheerily as ever. "Shall we head to my house then?"

"Sure thing," said Yugi, following his silver haired friend.

"Psst, Yugi," whispered Tristan, holding Yugi back for a moment. "I don't like this guy, Yug."

"Why not?" laughed Yugi, hitching up his backpack. Tristan nervously looked towards Bakura who was sniffing a flower.

"…He's always so happy. I mean, he see's a wasp dying of cancer and the days off to a good start. He's still happy even when something bad happens…"

"Oh come on," laughed Téa, passing Yugi and Tristan to follow Bakura. "Just because you're always so down in the dumps, doesn't mean we all have to be!"

"Hey!" cried Tristan, outraged. "I'm not - hey! Are you even listening to me!?"

He chased his friend, Yugi sighed and followed. Together, they headed to Bakura's house in the rather run down part of the town.

"Oh buggar," said Bakura as his gate fell of its hinges when he attempted to open it. "Sorry about that. Come on through."

He let his friends pass, then opened his door and entered the house. The _dirty house_.

"Ewww," cringed Téa as she noticed a pile of dirty dished in the sink.

"Mother? Father? I'm home," called Bakura to no response. After a while, a woman entered the already cramped hallway to steal even more oxygen. She looked a lot like Bakura, apart from the exception of her deep blue eyes.

"Hello Ryou," she said pleasantly. "Are these your new friends? Oh, I knew you'd easily make some friends! Are they stopping for tea? I made some lovely fairy cakes."

"Oh mother," blushed Bakura, Joey soon butted in.

"Hey, we love fairy cakes! Right guys?" -They nodded- "And I'm starving!"

Mrs Bakura's mum laughed and beamed at the youth. "You're a growing lad, you need your food," she said. A sudden loud voice was heard from the front room, shouting a stream of profanities.

"YOU (bleep)ING (bleep) GET YOUR (bleep) DOWN THAT TRACK OR I'LL (bleep) AND THEN I'LL CHOP YOUR (bleep) OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR (bleep) SO YOU'LL (bleep) ON YOUR (bleep)!" it screamed.

"Oh dear!" said Bakura. "Mother, could you tell father to calm down? I don't want my friends to think I'm… _rude_…"

"Of course, dear," said Mrs Bakura's mum pleasantly. It seemed Bakura inherited his politeness and manners from his mother. She turned her head to the living room, where Mr Bakura's dad was watching TV.

"OY!" she yelled causing him to look around. "SHUT THE (bleep) UP! BAKURA'S FRIENDS ARE HERE AND WE DON'T THEM THINKING WE'RE SOME SORTA FAMILY OF (bleep)ING CAVEMEN!

"WHAT THE (bleep)?" he yelled back, confused. "THAT (bleep) FOUND FRIENDS?"

"Yes and they're here! So be quiet and get off your (bleep)!"

"SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO THE (bleep)ING KITCHEN, WOMAN!" he roared turning back to the TV. Mrs Bakura's mum turned red and stormed into the living room.

"Who's the woman now!?" she yelled smacking him with a cushion. He winced and she threw down the cushion.

"So…" she said pleasantly, turning back to her son and his friends. "Fairy cakes?"

* * *

**Myth 3: We eat bangers and mash and drink cups of tea.**

"What's for tea, mother?" asked Bakura taking a seat at the kitchen table and allowing his friends to sit next to him.

"Bangers and mash," replied Mrs Bakura's mum. "Do you kids take tea in your sugar?"

"Mother, I think we'd prefer fizzy pop," said Bakura politely. Mrs Bakura's mum scowled.

"Last time you had that, it took us two hours to get you off the ceiling," she said. "So, it's sugar free tea for you. Your friends can have pop if they want. We have cola, lemonade or lemon cola."

"Cola please," the four friends chorused. Mrs Bakura's mum beamed and serves up their food.

"You're ever so small," said Mrs Bakura's mum fondly as she dished up Yugi's bangers and mash.

"Mother! You shouldn't point that out!" gasped Bakura. "It's rude to point out peoples misfortunes!"

"And it's rude to talk with your mouth full," pointed out Mrs Bakura's mum.

"My mouth isn't full!" protested Bakura, he was instantly muffled by his mother shovelling mash potato into his mouth.

"Get that in your gob," said Mr Bakura's dad entering the kitchen, holding a newspaper. He took a seat at the table, opened the newspaper and began commenting on every page.

"I see peddle pushers are back in fashion," he said, his brow furrowing. "What next…" he turned the page. "What!? as if that berk's standing for president! Why I outta-!"

"No political talk at the table dear," reminded Mrs Bakura's mum. He sighed, shrugged and turned another page. "What! What the (bleep)!? Have you seen this? They cut a guys lungs out and they looked like sausages! Look!"

He flipped the paper and showed everyone. The teens, who were chewing the sausages instantly spat them out, disgusted.

"Father! Please!" cried Bakura, slamming his hands on the table. "Mother, can we have our fairy cakes now?"

She laid them out on the table and the teens all took one. Well, Joey took one dozen and crammed them in his mouth.

"Eurgh, Joey. You're such a pig. Even at someone's house, you can't eat properly!" frowned Téa, watching him through disgusted eyes.

"I Mmmf repefct cookinnf," he said, with a mouth full of fluffy cake. Mrs Bakura's mum laughed and ruffled his hair.

"I like a lad who loves his food," she chuckled.

"Yeah, but the food doesn't love Joey," said Téa as he began to choke on his mouthful. Everyone laughed, lightening the mood.

After their fairy cakes and fizzy drinks and cups of tea, Bakura stood on his door step, to bid them goodbye.

"I'm sorry about my father," he said sheepishly. "He's rather a baboon."

"I thought he was funny," said Joey. "And your mum's real nice too!"

"Why, thank you," beamed Bakura. "Group hug, I say!"

Gingerly, they stepped forwards, the boys trying no to touch each other as they hugged, Yugi was far more concerned about not getting lost in the tangle of bodies.

"Hey, you just touched my arse!" said Joey angrily, turning to Tristan.

"I didn't!" he protested, throwing out his arms.

"Guys!" interjected Téa. "Let's not argue in the garden. What, are we British!? Oh wait, sorry Bakura."

He laughed. "It's quite all right," he said happy as ever, waving them off when a shrill voice from inside shattered his happiness in a second.

"BAKURA! ARE YOU ON THE (bleep)ING CEILING AGAIN? DO I HAVE TO GET THE MOP!?"

* * *

**A/N: **I know Bakura's daddy isn't like that, but this is a parody fic, so no worries :3

I can't remember his name either, so I may just call him Bob. Next chapter up soon, will be grateful for any suggestions! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Many thanks for the reviews from **millenniumthief**, **Avalon's mists** and **I Love Everything **:D -hugs-

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**Myth 4: We're polite, nice, kind and sharing.**

The week of school had dragged on a like a sloth carrying a ton of bricks. Finally, the weekend had arrived bringing a happy hoard of children spilling out into the park to have teddy bear picnics. Amongst those children were our hero's; Yugi, Bakura, Joey- you get the point. Now, let me close this book and stop talking like a children's author before Roald Dahl turns in his grave and haunts me.

So, the sun was shining, the birds were twittering and it was a jolly good day to have a picnic.

"You're a woman, you should provide the food," Joey told Téa which caused an angry outburst and a slap.

"Excuse me! I may be a woman but I am not, I repeat AM NOT a food provider! Maybe your mother has to dress you every day, but I am not her and you can bring your own food, pal! Since 1920 women have had rights and I…"

"She's going off on one," Joey told Bakura who seemed confused.

"Does she do this often?" he asked as Téa was still ranting. He nodded.

"Hey, short stuff," said Joey as Yugi caught up with them, his little legs not as powerful as theirs. "Park at two o'clock, kapeesh?"

"Okay," replied Yugi. "I'll bring the sandwiches."

"I'll bring the cookies."

"I'll bring the chocolate and crisps."

"I'll bring the… oh buggar. I'll guess I'll ask mother to make some fairy cakes…"

Téa was still ranting but being unnoticed, the steam marks coming off her head.

"Are you listening to me!?" she rounded on them. They shook their heads. "…Yugi?"

"Were you talking about playing cards?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Sorry, I wasn't listening…"

"Grr!" she blew like a kettle. Yugi managed to calm her down and convince her to bring pizza to the picnic at the same time.

"This should be jolly fun!" said Bakura, smiling. "Well, cheerio then. I should head off home and make the fairy cakes. I'll see you at two, guys!"

"Bye," they chorused as Bakura waved, then ran home. They watched his strapping figure grow tinier before disappearing, then decided to go on their separate ways and return to the park later.

* * *

"Mother, I'm home!" Bakura called out as he entered his house and tried to stop his door falling off its hinges. "…Mother?"

He headed past the empty living room to find his mother cleaning quickly, knocking everything off the surfaces and scrubbing an already clean spot.

"Is something wrong, mother?" asked Bakura. She threw the sponge down, slammed her hands on the counter and turned to face her son.

"Oh, it's you," she said, sounding disappointed.

"Where's father?" asked Bakura looking around for the man.

"At Little Kuriboh's pub," she replied, lowering her head, possibly hiding tears.

"What? At this time?"

She nodded. Bakura sighed and placed a comforting arm round his mother.

"I've been invited to a picnic," he told her. "Will you help me make some fairy cakes?"

She paused, wiped her eyes and stood up straight.

"Okay, I guess I could do with the distraction," she said pulling out the fairy cakes tin and the ingredients.

**-Twenty fairy cakes later-**

"Oh, spiffing!" said Bakura as he piled them into a box and looked at the time. "I better go get changed, mother!"

He looked at his flour covered shirt and dusted himself down before running upstairs to find a new outfit.

**-One sexy clothes changing scene later-**

"I'm off now, mother!" Bakura called, holding the box and rushing outside into the streaming sunlight and heading towards the park.

_I hope my friends like my fairy cakes_, he thought happily, his long legs pounding down the street. _They're smashing friends, I thought I would be alone when I came here…_

His thoughts brought him to the park where the group were waiting. Joey was losing terribly to a Dual monsters game against Yugi, Téa was stood up waving at him and Tristan was looking lost, like usual.

"Hey!" called Téa happily. "Over here!"

He headed over, smiling and placed the box down on the picnic rug

"Lovely weather," said Bakura, feeling very strange being a Brit and being able to say that for once.

"Awesome," said Joey abandoning his game and reaching for the fairy cakes. "I love these things!"

He prised the lid off and groaned. Instead of fairy cakes, lay _teabags._

"Teabags!" said Joey, outraged. "The hell!?"

"Oh buggar!" cried Bakura. "I must have picked up the box we keep the tea bags in instead! We do get through a lot of tea…"

"Oh, well never mind," said Téa brightly. "We still have the cookies, pizza, chocolate and crisps…"

Bakura however, still looked crestfallen. "I'm ever so sorry, guys," he said, lowering his head. "I just need to… go for a walk… I'm feeling quite peculiar…"

He had begun to feel slightly sick, his head spinning and chest tightening. Rushing away and taking solace behind a tree, he pulled out his Millennium Ring and watched it glow brightly. A flash of light blinded him and he dropped the item as it heated up like a… pair of straightners…

**-One sexy transformation later-**

Stood behind the very same tree was the evil, three thousand year old thief, Yami Bakura. Smirking, he hid his Millennium Ring and turned to glare at the people he had just been with.

_Act… Like… Ryou Bakura… _The Yami Bakura forced himself to improve his posture, relax his face and mimic Bakura's innocent features. Clearing his throat, he headed out from the tree and swaggered towards his friends, acting as natural as possible.

"I seem okay now," he told them. "I' must have had a headache. I'm not used to all this sun, you see…"

"Oh… Well tell us if you feel sick again," said Téa, concerned. He nodded and took a seat next to the basket of cookies.

"Man, I'm hungry…" said Joey reaching for the biscuits just as Bakura did. He glared at the blond, reached out and grabbed his fingers.

"Keep away from my cookies," he hissed, bending Joey's hand. He winced in pain and he gritted his teeth in a mouth that appeared twice the normal size. "Touch these sweets and DIE!"

"Arg!" yelled Joey, wrenching his hand away and scrambling backwards.

"What's wrong?" asked Tristan, turning to look at his scared friend. Joey raised a hand and pointed to Bakura who was looking innocent but had a look that said; 'Tell on me and I'll rip out your pancreas.'

"Uhh… The cookies bit me," faltered Joey, sounding stupid. Tristan laughed and returned to staring out into the distance for no reason. Bakura began eating his cookies, holding them to his chest and munching away, keeping an eye on Joey, making sure he kept away from his food.

"Hey guys, let's eat!" said Tristan diving for the pizza. Bakura glared and snatched it away, sending some sort of bolt at Tristan that sent him backwards.

"Wait, what!?" yelled Tristan, his eyes widening.

"Take this pizza and I'll take your life!" snarled Bakura, clutching it close to his chest. He rose to his feet and looked down at the group.

"Stupid mortals!" he said. "This pizza is not for idiotic kids, this is legendary pizza only for cool people like me, and it has been passed down from the Egyptian God's."

"What? I only bought it this morning!" protested Téa.

"That's what you think.

"Oh, so the Egyptian God's shop at Tesco now, do they?"

"…Yes…"

Téa huffed as Yugi stood up, his shortness barely reaching Bakura's chest, but he could still kick him in the shins and run off if the worst came to the worst.

"I won't let you take our pizza!" cried Yugi, pointing to the silver haired fiend.

"And what are you going to do about it?" asked Bakura with a sneer. "Bite my ankles?"

Yugi was angry now. His Millennium item glowed and did a little dance, maybe the Macarena, but there was no music. It looked like the Macarena though…

**-One sexy transformation later… but not as sexy as Bakura's transformation…-**

Yugi seemed to have grown a foot or so, or maybe it was the way this new Yugi was standing, nobody knew nor cared to know…

"Give me back that pizza," ordered Yugi, placing his hand on his hip like a girl.

"You!" said Bakura, noticing Yugi's voice drop about four tones. "Who are you!?"

"I go by many names," replied Yugi. "Some call me The Pharaoh. Some call me Yami. Some call me Starfish. Some call me 'That guy with the purple hair'. Some call me Mr P. Some call me Julie. But only on Saturdays…"

Five minutes passed…

"Some call me Grrrr. Some call me Barney. Some call me The Plumber. Some call me pizza boy. But you, can call me Yugi."

"I already knew that name!" said Bakura angrily. Yugi tutted and wagged his finger.

"Now hand back that pizza!"

"Never!"

"Fine.. Then… here you go…"

Yugi handed Bakura the chocolate and allowed him to eat it.

"Yug, what are you doing!?" hissed Joey. "That's our food!"

"Trust me," said Yugi, obviously thinking up an evil plan. Bakura laughed like a mad man and devoured the chocolate, commenting on how nice and smooth it was whilst Tristan held Téa back from bitch slapping him.

"Oh, look the last piece," smirked Bakura holding up the last bit and biting into it. His face changed from triumphant, to pained.

"Arrrrrggghhh!" yelled Bakura, spitting it out and holding the side of his face. "My teeth! They hurt!"

Yugi roared with laughter. "I knew you wouldn't be able to eat all that sugar without getting a cavity." he pointed at Bakura. "And now, you must go to the dentist!"

"Noooooo!" cried Bakura, falling to his knees and covering his ears. The Millennium Ring glowed as Yami Bakura changed back into Ryou. His cries changed from "Noooooo!" to "Oh buggary do da!"

Bakura buried his face in the grass, clutching his face.

"Guys," he said weakly, lifting his face. "My teeth really hurt, please help me."

The look of pleading innocence and pain on his young face made all the fan girls in the world squeal and head butt the computer screen in a vain attempt to dive through the internet and glomp him back to health.

Joey eyed him suspiciously. "How do we know your not that freaky evil guy?"

"What freaky evil guy?" asked Bakura, completely bewildered. They all frowned, suspicious.

"You can't remember?" asked Yugi. Bakura shook his head.

"I don't know, but my teeth are really hurting," said Bakura sadly. "I think I have a cavity and I'll need to visit the dentist…"

He sighed sadly. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry for ruining your day…"

"No, you didn't," sympathised Téa. "If you can't even remember what happened… then I guess we can't blame you…"

"Yeah, we should take you to a dentist," said Tristan. "Hey, hop on my back, I'll carry you there."

"But it's only my teeth, Tristan," said Bakura. "My legs aren't affected, I can still walk."

"Hey, I do the donkey work, now get on my back!" ordered Tristan threateningly pointing to it. Bakura quickly did as he was told.

He sure hated dentists, but he didn't fancy visiting the hospital too!

* * *

**A/N:** I know I'm evil but Bakura is so cute when he's in pain! :3 And yes, I was one of those fan girls who tried head butting the screen too XD


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the reviews from **Avalon's mists**, **x-hannah-banana-x**, **millenniumthief**, **XxLapisLazulixX**, **TwistedHero**, **brunnehild**, **Cinderpool-The Evil Dictator**, **Ari Saki** and **Kuroharu. **They mean a lot to me, you guys are now my cyber children! XD

:D -hugs-

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**Myth… er, is it 5 we're on now?: We're rowdy.**

Bakura was guided from the dentist, clutching his mouth and wincing. He refused Tristan's offer of another piggyback and decided to walk. The dentist was opposite Little Kuriboh's pub, because he regularly got cavities and the dentist was a drunk. As Bakura staggered home, his father stumbled from the pub, drunk as a rat.

"Eurgh… shliff… Bleurgh," he slurred, holding onto a nearby lamp post. He spotted his suspiciously white haired son with his friends, noting Tristan's arm clamped tightly round his shoulder.

"You… You (bleep)ing puff!" he yelled, swatting at him. "No son of mine is gonna be a kweer, er, queer! You be a man's man like me!"

"By getting rat arsed and having horrible breath," cringed Téa, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Exactly!" yelled Mr Bakura's dad, swaying. "Like meeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Bleep)!"

"Hey! Say's blue haired Betty!" protested Joey, shaking his fist.

"Joey, please don't talk to my father like that," interjected Bakura politely. "He just-"

"FATHER!?" Roared Mr Bakura's dad. "MY (bleep)! Where'd you get that white hair from? Huh? Huh?"

"Mother," answered Bakura. "She has white hair."

"It's (bleep)ing BROWN!" yelled Mr Bakura's dad.

"That's because she dyed it…"

"Ooooh! (Bleep)! So someone's a smarty pants now, huh?" mocked Mr Bakura's dad. "Loom at meeee, I'm Bakura. I'm a smarty mouthed pansy!"

He accompanied his teasing with a little dance, causing a passing mother and her child to look at him.

"Just don't look him in the eye…" said the mother, quickly pulling the child away.

Mr Bakura's dad growled, annoyed and drunk, he rounded on his 'son'.

"What have I (bleep)ing told you about hanging around with yobs!?" he yelled pointing to his friends. "Your (bleep)ing coming home NOW!"

He grabbed Bakura's arm and dragged him away yelling profanities for the entire street to hear. He tried his best to hide in shame behind his mass of white fluffy hair, but to no avail. His father dragged him necessity all the way home to find Mrs Bakura's mum in the garden, doing some weeding. (_Weeding_, not weeing, you dirty buggers!)

"Sup?" asked Mrs Bakura's mum, when she saw her husband dragging their son up the path.

Mr Bakura's dad was either too angry to answer, or too drunk. It was hard to tell. He told Bakura to go inside, and spoke to his wife in the garden for a few minutes. Bakura peeked out from the windows, fortunately, his white hair blending in perfectly giving the impression that just a face stood in the window.

"Let's be British and argue in the front garden," said Mrs Bakura's mum.

"Splendid idea," replied Mr Bakura's dad, enraging his wife.

"No! You're supposed to deny me like you always do! You're not supposed to argue with a woman, you won't win!"

"I am more womanly than you!" he protested. "So that makes YOU in the wrong!"

"I don't bloody think so!" screeched Mrs Bakura's mum, throwing back her dyed brown hair, causing a few neighbours to peep through the curtains at the commencing argument. Bakura quickly rapped on the window, sensing the danger of his father being buried alive in the flowerbeds.

"Shh, Bakura. Mummy and daddy are arguing," soothed his mother. Mr Bakura's dad shook his head.

"We're not arguing, we're debating aggressively," he said causing his wife to slap him upside the head. Bakura shook his head in exasperation, completely giving up. He decided he may as well depart for bed and wait until either parent shouted themselves hoarse or something along those rowdy arse Brit lines.

* * *

**Myth 6: We're cheesy. (Just think of all the British musicals. Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, etc.)**

The white haired teen awoke smiling as usual to sound of birds chirping happily in the trees. Yawning daintingly and giving a big stretch, he climbed out of bed and glanced out the window at the bright sun in the clear blue sky.

"It's a lovely day," said Bakura as a little birdie flew threw the window and landed on his windowsill. "Oh little birdie, don't go away."

The birdie, which Bakura aptly named Clive, chirped happily and called over his friends, Bob, Steve, Peter and Mary. Together they fluttered round Bakura's room, picking up his clothes with their beaks and laying them gently on his bed.

"Thanks old chaps, you're ever so kind," said Bakura stroking Mary's head. "Birds like you are hard to find."

Mary blushed and fluttered on to his shoulder. Smiling, Bakura changed, covering Mary's eyes as he did so. Heavens knows, maybe a fan girl had sent her!

When he was fully clothed, washed and sexyfied, he headed downstairs to find his mother making breakfast.

"Good morning mother, how are you?"

"I'm fine, but your fathers a Jew."

"(Bleep)! No I'm not!" yelled Mr Bakura's dad from the living room.

There was a knock on the door and Bakura answered it to find Yugi, Téa, Tristan, Joey and a guy Bakura didn't know stood on his doorstep.

"Hey Bakura," said Yugi. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, let me just grab some bready."

"Bready?"

"Yes, it's what I call bread," said Bakura grabbing a loaf and shoving it in his bag. "I say Yugi, are you getting older?"

"I don't know, but there's a bird on your shoulder."

"Oh, that's Mary. She's my friend."

"I swear this guy's insanity has no end," muttered Joey quietly. Bakura called out behind him.

"Goodbye mother, I'm going to school!"

"It's Saturday, you stupid fool!"

"Oh yeah. Silly me. I guess I forgot."

"I always knew Japanese school's made your brain rot."

Shaking his head, he headed outside and closed the door, before turning to face the unknown guy who had tagged along. His long black hair was swept up into a ponytail, a red and black bandanna secured to his head, a die earring and a long streak of black eyeliner ran down one eye. He looked very friendly, and completely normal.

"Hello old bean, who are you?"

"I'm Duke Devlin, pal. I'm smexy too."

"Oh, jolly good. We could start a team."

"Hold on buddy, you act too keen!"

Laughing heartily, Bakura turned to the others.

"So chaps, what adventure are we up to today?"

"We'll go to the park and play some card games." replied Yugi as happily as ever.

So together, they trundled off to the same park where they first met Bakura's evil but sexy alter ego.

"I swear he's a Gemini," muttered Joey to Tristan. "They're two faced till the end."

"Well, he's after our souls, but we'll still be his friend."

They reached the park to find the usual array of happy, smiling faces and people playing card games. Suddenly, a small black haired boy ran towards them, most likely on a sugar high.

"Hey guys," he said happily, eyeing Bakura. "Who is this pansy?"

"His name's Bakura," answered Joey. "But we call him Nancy."

"Y-you do?" gasped Bakura, feeling offended. "I thought we were friends…"

"We are pal, I'm just making amends."

"Hey Mokuba," interjected Yugi. "Where's Seto?"

"He's back there, in the ghetto."

"Really?"

"Nah," grinned Mokuba, turning his head to the side and calling out. "Hey, big brother!"

Seto Kaiba strode up to them, Roland was holding his laptop as he typed away. Still walking. This man's talents knew no boundaries.

"Seto, Yugi and his friends say hey."

"I don't care Mokuba, I think they're ga- hey!" yelled Seto as Roland slapped him upside the head and nodded towards the sensor bunnies lurking in the bushes. Bakura began singing a little out of tune song and rolling a flower between his thumb and forefinger.

"Why are you here? And who's that Brit?" asked Seto nodding towards Bakura.

"He has a name, you stupid git!" yelled Téa. "He is our friend, he's part of our flock…"

"Friendship speech at 12 o'clock," said Mokuba, turning to face Seto. He snorted and turned back to his laptop. Mokuba ran towards Bakura for a better look; sensing danger, Seto's head snapped back up.

"Mokuba, don't go near the Brit, he's contagious!"

"But big brother, I'm so courageous!"

"Do as I say, or I'll take away your play station three."

"Oh Seto, you massive meanie!"

"Yeah, Kaiba." said Joey, shaking his fist at his rival. "Doing that would be so lame."

"Look, I don't want to play your stupid game."

"Oh come on," said Bakura, smiling. "Can't we all be friends?"

"I'd rather put a knife to my fingers and chop off the ends."

"Maybe this will convince you." said Bakura, before breaking into a song. The others groaned and slapped their heads.

"Friends! Friends till the very end!" he sang, swinging around happily. "All we need is friends! And love has no ends!"

"Oh man, he's cracked." said Joey.

"I'm afraid not, old chap," said Bakura waggling his finger at the blond. He glided forwards like the most elegant ballet dancer, still immersed in his song. "If you ask me, my friends are fab."

"If you ask me," interjected Seto in his usual tone, because the party pooper didn't want to sing along. "Bakura's a fa-OUCH!"

He received another bitch slap off Roland as he jammed his thumb towards the bushes.

"Friends are greeeeaaaaat," he chirped, waving his arms in the air. "Friends are fine. I wish I could be with them all the time."

"Even when they shower. I told you he was a fa- Roland, you hit me with that thing and I'll scoop your eyes out." snapped Seto. "Come Mokuba!"

"Aw, but Seto," said Mokuba, who was swaying to Bakura's song. "This is fun."

"I'd rather live on the sun. Aw crap, he's got me doing it now. Come, now!"

Joey and Tristan slowly snuck up behind Bakura who was now sniffing a flower, holding a conveniently placed sack and quickly shoved it other his head to shut him up.

"Go quick!" said Joey to his friends. "I don't know how long we can hold him!"

Bakura squirmed in the bag, like a moving furby in a sac race, still singing.

They all rushed away quickly, leaving Joey with a wriggling bag full of Bakura.

"I'm sorry pal," said Joey dragging Bakura away. "But this is for your own good."

"You could have at least used a hood!" Said Bakura, his voice muffled. Joey tutted and led him all the way home, knocking on his front door and waiting for his mother to answer.

"This belongs to you," he said when her face asked the question, 'WTF?'

He pushed the wriggling back into her arms, "Sorry I couldn't send him in the post. Well, gotta go!"

"Thanks, Joey!" came the voice of Bakura. "You're my hero!"

Mrs Bakura's mum pulled her son inside and removed the sack from his head.

"Bakura, go to your room," she sighed.

"I will, mother. I will do soon."

"Oh son, we're not in a play…"

"Aw…" said the white haired teen sadly. "Okay…"

He picked up an umbrella, opened it up and used it to float upstairs.

"Why are you using that umbrella to fly?" asked his mother, her eyes following him.

"Because the car won't fit in the house," replied Bakura. Mrs Bakura's mum shook her head in exasperation.

"I blame his father…"

"No, I think he got it off you," butted in the postman, who had come to deliver the post a few hours too late.

"(Bleep)! Woman!" yelled Mr Bakura's 'dad'. "I always knew the boy wasn't mine, how could I miss our bloody white haired postman!?"

They all laughed heartily, and happily waved goodbye to Mr Postman with a grin so cheesy it put good old Mr Cheddar to shame.

* * *

**A/N: **Arg, I'm all out of myths, so this may be the end! D:

I was thinking of writing a 'truths' thing next, but I'm not too sure. I love writing this story, and I love the feedback, but I don't want this to go stale XD

Hope you liked my rhyming! Sorry it got a bit rushed.

Ahem, a disclaimer: The homophobic words Bob Bakura used at the beginning were of his own. When I later questioned him, he told me to (bleep) off and carry on selling corn on the cobs to passing tourists. He has yet to comment.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **A massive thank you, a thank you so massive it barely fits on this page to my reviewers! **Millenniumthief**, **Determined**, **Ari Saki**, **x-Hannah-banana-x**, **Dark Necrofear**, **Kuroharu **and **Thiefy Bakura**, and an extra special thank you to Kuroharu for the idea for this chapter. -glomps you all to death-

* * *

**Myth 7. Is it 7 we're on now? -Checks script- Yep. Myth 7: We all watch soap operas.**

If there's one thing Bakura couldn't stand more than his toast landing butter side down, it was soap operas. Yes, those horrid, _horrid_ TV shows his mother watched after tea, and would usually cry at. He hated all their drama and adventures and affairs and the people in it who were either too stuck up their own arse to care about anyone else, or too kind and always got walked over, or had two different personalities; he hated it all.

Why couldn't they have a simple life, like him?

Unfortunately for the white haired teen, all his friends were off on another adventure without him, so he was stuck home. On the sofa. Watching soap opera's. _Eurgh. _

"I read in the papers that tonight is the night Ryan admits to Sandy that he's been cheating on her with her ex husbands mothers sister's niece's next door neighbours goldfish!" said Mrs Bakura's mum, turning the TV channel onto DominoEnders - the popular soap opera of Domino city.

"Oh Ryan," the lady in the TV -- who his mother told him was Sandy -- said in a needlessly dramatic fashion. "How did I not know!? I always knew you had a goldfish fetish!"

She then gave him an over exaggerated and obvious fake slap, causing Mrs Bakura's mum to squeal and grab the arms of the chair.

"Why did the trollop just hit that man?" he asked, confused.

"Because he's been cheating on her," sighed his mother, eyes still fixed on the TV screen.

"…So that's why he slapped him?"

"That's just what he got for being a man."

"Is a trollop going to hit me if I go outside?"

"No, because you look like a girl. She'd probably just pull your hair."

"Ah…" Bakura twirled his fluffy white locks with a finger, pretending to enjoy the show. A few minutes of buggar all passed, just Sandy sobbing her heart out and lashing out at the man called Ryan for his fish fetish.

"Erm… Mum?" asked Bakura sheepishly. "Erm… There's a bloke called Seto, who my friends know, and they say he has a dragon fetish. Is that the same as a fish fetish?"

"No dear. Apart from Ryan, who has a fish fetish?

"…Well, Misty from Pokemon did."

"What's Pokemon?

"You know, that show I watch."

"Uh, no. I'm not following you, sorry."

"Oh… buggar me then."

Another couple of minutes passed, Sandy was now smashing the house to bits and throwing all the fish away in her freezer, when Mrs Bakura's mum spoke up.

"I'm going to get a drink," she said simply and unenthusiastically standing up.

_**She's gone, now put Battle Royale on.**_

_Pardon?_

_**You heard.**_

The voice of Bakura's evil counterpart echoed through his mind, telling him to watch the gore-fest that was Battle Royale which was on another channel.

_You are such a sick and twisted individual, do you know that?_

_**Yeah, and you're a British ponce. What's your point?**_

Out of his own control, Bakura's arm darted out and snatched the remote, switching the channel over. He looked towards the kitchen where his mother was making a cup of tea and bit his lip.

_No, mother is watching her soaps!_

_**I'll be watching your blood get drained from your left arm if you don't listen to me!**_

His mother returned and squealed at the sight of someone's head exploding on the TV, dropping her drink.

"Bakura! Turn it back!"

Yami Bakura sat on the sofa, feeling triumphant as he held the remote.

_Noooooo! _

Normal Bakura took his place and struggled with the TV remote to turn it back, but being overpowered by Yami Bakura within a few seconds. This resulted in the pair's attempt to watch something completely different to each other, backfire. Flicking randomly through the channels, the white haired teen struggled with himself, and his evil side to watch something completely nice and family friendly. Yami however, had other plans.

"Hello and welcome to the ten o'clock news. Today we'll be discussing--"

"-- BIG MASSIVE CRABS! OH MY GAWD! THEY'RE CRABS AND THEY'RE MASSI--"

"--ve deals on at We Love Sofa's today! Some come down and--"

"--Take my eye out? No, please don't! I need it to see! I--"

"--Love you Barney! We're a happy--"

"--Birthday Mr President, happy birthday to you. Purr--"

"--fect goal there, Jones. Tell us, what's your secret--"

"--TO DESTROY THE WORLD!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" yelled Bakura, throwing the remote in a random direction and watching the window shatter as it soared through the glass and hit Mr Bakura's dad in the head.

"YOU TRYING TO (bleeping)ING HAVE MY EYE OUT!?" he yelled, waving his arms around and marching inside.

"Oh, buggar," swore Bakura. Mrs Bakura's mum groaned, shook her head and retrieved another drink before turning the TV off.

"With a family this rowdy," she said, sitting back in her seat and watching the argument between her son and husband commence. "I don't need to watch my soaps!"

Just another day in the Bakura household.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you so much to **Kuroharu**, **x-hannah-banana-x**, **Thiefy Bakura**, **milenniumthief**, **Dark Necrofear** and **Menchi** For the reviews :D_

_Here is the next instalment, involving cricket. Can Bakura make a cricket match funny? We'll just have to find out…_

**Myth 8: We all play cricket.**

"Now remember," said Ryou, as he pulled on his white jumper and picked up his cricket bat. "I'll bat, and you bowl. If you bat, you'll probably end up knocking another little boy off his unicycle."

"That was an accident," said Yami Bakura, hiding a snicker. "He had it coming anyway. Riding on that unicycle, thinking he's a pimp."

"Pimps don't ride unicycles," sighed Ryou, rolling his eyes. "It's bad for business. Besides, why are we in separate bodies?"

"The writers did it with Yugi, so I demanded the same," replied Bakura proudly, swinging the bat onto his shoulder and nearly missing Mary, who was fluttering past. Ryou grabbed the bat and pulled it out of his grasp, holding it behind his back.

"So it WAS you who chained themselves to Kazuki Takahasi's car!"

The paper had released a story some week before stating how a man dressed in all white had tied himself to Kazuki's car, holding a picket sign saying 'wun bodie not enuf, I want my own like Yoogi's,'

Spelling wasn't Bakura's strong point.

Neither was protesting.

Or cooking.

He wasn't too good at making clay models with his feet either.

However, Ryou and Bakura quite plainly had separate bodies, so the protest obviously worked. Either that or Bakura did his own surgery when Ryou was sleeping, which I wouldn't put past him.

"Anyway, it's a jolly good day, so we'll be meeting Yugi and the rest in the park," said Ryou, shouldering his cricket bat. "Here, take these balls."

He handed Bakura some cricket balls, and the white haired man fell about laughing.

"What?"

"You said 'balls'. Heh heh."

"Oh grow up, you bloody twit!"

* * *

Yugi and his crew saw the two albino pansy's approach them, stifling a laugh at their white attire.

"What the hell are you wearing?" asked Joey, eyeing the pair. Ryou twirled.

"Good old cricket outfit. Played cricket quite a bit back in England. Didn't we, Bakura?"

He rounded on his counterpart, who's expression was nothing more than, 'I hate you.'

"Your mother plays cricket in my bed."

Yugi and his crew all roared with laughter as Ryou slapped Bakura's wrist.

"Bad Bakura. Come now, let's get started."

Yugi was the first to bat. Bakura swung his arm under and bowled the ball towards the multi-coloured hair guy. Unfortunately, as Bakura was about six foot taller than Yugi, his bat missed the ball completely. With a huge swing, he failed to make contact and groaned.

"You lose five hundred life points!" gloated Bakura. Ryou shook his head and shouted over.

"We don't have life points in this game, I told you!"

"That's no fun!" groaned Bakura. "Can't I make this a shadow cricket game?"

"No! No shadow game! Bad Bakura!"

Rolling his eyes, the white haired man faced the new batter who happened to be Téa. Grinning, he swung his arm in a circular motion and aimed for Téa's head--

"BAKURA!" screamed Ryou, obviously reading his mind. "Look, you can field instead, I don't trust you with the balls."

"HA HA HA HA YOU SAID BALLS!"

"Tristan, swap with Bakura, please," said Ryou pointing to the traffic cone head who stood picking his nose blindly. When everyone was stood in a suitable place, with Tristan bowling, they were ready. He swung his arm round ready to bowl and--

"OUCH!" yelled Tristan, falling to the floor in a heap. "My arm hurts!"

Everyone rushed over to inspect the damage, realising he had swung his arm back too much which probably caused a lot of pain.

"Check his pulse, Yugi," said Bakura.

"How did you manage that!?" asked Téa.

"I'm not as British as Bakura, only about twelve percent, I don't know how to bowl properly," was the reply.

"I see we're one down," Joey, lifting his friend and sitting him some ten feet away.

"The show must go on!" said Bakura cheerily, despite the fact Tristan had probably severely dislocated his shoulder.

"Who's going to bowl?"

"I will," piped up Bakura. Ryou shook his head.

"You're not trusted--"

"Oh, come on!" What's the worst I can do? C'mon guys, tell him!"

Finally, after about ten, or maybe twenty seconds, Ryou caved in.

"Fine," he said throwing Bakura a ball. "But no messing about."

Everyone took their positions, it was Joey's turn to bat. The blond threw out his bat and wriggled his bum, waiting for Bakura to strike. Or throw the ball. With a swing of his arm, Bakura sent the ball flying in Joey's direction and he took a swing, but in his over enthusiastic state, he swung too hard and ended up spinning on the spot. Round and round he span, sending everyone dizzy. Suddenly, he was gone, just like that!

"Where's Joey?" asked Yugi, looking around. An old man hobbled up to them, shakily leaning on a staff. He looked very much like Joey only older. A lot older.

"Hey, are you Joey's grandpa?" asked Yugi, turning on the grey man.

"It's me, you doofus!" croaked the man, shaking his staff.

"But-! You're old!" gasped Yugi. The older Joey coughed and Bakura roared with laughter.

"He span himself into the future!" he said, slapping his knees and bending over with laughter. Everyone looked on confused as Joey nodded, leaning on his staff.

"I'm not as young as I used to be," he said in the stereotypical old man voice and hobbling over to a bench to sit down.

"Ahh, ahh, my backs gone. It's really gone," he groaned lowering himself down slowly.

"I see we're two down," piped up Téa from behind Yugi. He nodded in agreement and watched his elderly man pull out a packet of Fox's mints.

"Keep a stiff upper lip, chaps!" said Ryou, still as cheerful. "There's still four left, I'm sure we can manage!"

It was Bakura's turn to bowl; he stepped forwards, hiding a snicker. Swinging his arm back perfectly, he threw the ball towards Yugi at about fifty miles per hour. With a loud whooshing noise, the ball shot through Yugi's large hairstyle, making a perfect ball shape hole. It continued soaring through the air towards Téa, who ducked and emerged with a triumphant, "Ha!"

Téa's victory was short lived as the ball bounded off the tree behind her, soared right back and hit her in the back of the head, knocking her to the floor.

Yugi squeaked and reached up to feel the round hole in his hair, close to tears.

"My hair! My beautiful hair!" he cried. "I'm going to have to go to the barbers!"

With that emo outburst, he turned round and traipsed off to a local barbers, hiding in shame. Ryou looked round at the crippled, elderly Joey on the bench to the suffering Tristan rolling on the floor, and finally to the unconscious Téa.

"I seriously can't believe half the things you are capable of," said Ryou, grabbing Bakura's arm and dragging him away.

"Let's leave them here," said Bakura with a grin. The white haired man rolled his eyes and nudged Téa with his foot. You know which white haired man, right? Right? Right?

"Buggar that," said Ryou. "I wouldn't last five minutes in prison, school is bad enough. Not that we'd get arrested anyway, it's not like we broke the law."

"But…"

"So, you're telling me, watching someone spin themselves into the future, seeing another person hurt his arm whilst bowling, damaging someone's hair and knocking another person out with a cricket ball that completely wasn't our fault because it bounced off the walls, is illegal?"

"… Touché."

"Loopholes, my dear Bakura," said Ryou pulling out a pipe and smoking it. Bakura grinned.

"I guess we're not so different after all," he said. "I should get back inside you, I think we were only allowed separate bodies for a day.

"Get back inside me? Ew…"

"I have no choice but to go back inside you, it's part of the contract."

"You're really creepy, do you know that?"

"…I noticed. It's better off this way anyway. So open up, I'm coming inside you!"

"Would you stop saying that!" cried Ryou as Bakura basically stepped towards Ryou and disappeared. Ryou gave a little twitch as his evil counterpart returned to sharing his body. He gave a loud belch.

"I really wish you'd stop doing that," he told Bakura, looking down at his chest. "You dirty little bugger trollop wanker!"

* * *

_In case you were confused (which I doubt you were because you're all so clever :D) 'Ryou' was nice, normal Bakura, and 'Bakura' was Yami Bakura. If I can't think of any more myths, I'll start working on my truths! Thanks again to everyone for the support!_


End file.
